I got
very bored. I did feet.
1. 4:34.99 B2 R2 B2 U L2 B2 D' U2 R2 F2 D2 R L D R D2 B D2 B D2 L
Solution without the random rotations I did (I can't remember them):
z2 // Inspection
L R2 D R' D2 R L' U' L2 U2 L' D2 // X-cross (12/12)
U y' R U' L U L' R' // F2L-2 (7/19)
y L' U2 L U L' U' L // F2L-3 (7/26)
y2 R U2 R' U y' R' U' R // ZBLS (7/33)
y R U2 R' U' R U R' U' R U' R' // COLL (11/44)
U R U' R U R U R U' R' U' R U U' R // EPLL (15/59)
E: I think my TPS is getting better...
2. 3:49.53 D' L2 F2 U R2 B2 D R2 F2 R2 U L U B R' L2 D' B2 R U' F U
... but I can't reconstruct. VHLS, sune -> T perm. Lots of weird F2L stuff, like making pairs and then doing another slot before inserting them.
E2: 3. 3:44.91 D B2 L2 U F2 U B2 R2 B2 U2 F' R' F' U2 R2 F U' R2 U L U'
More EOLS, PB single/Mo3. Failed the LS trying to SV :fp It was cancelling into another sune. Rb perm.
E3: 4:15.19 single gives me 3:56.54 Mo3, sub-4!

First solve not to be PB single though...
E4: Best average of 5: 3:56.54
1-5 - (4:34.99) 3:49.53 3:44.91 4:15.19 (3:06.68)
Last three make 3:42.26 Mo3.
5. 3:06.68 F2 D L2 U R2 L2 D B2 D B2 U F' L B F R2 L B2 R F D2 U'
z2 // Inspection
B U2 L F' R' U' B2 // Cross (7/7)
L' U L2 U' L' // F2L-1 (5/12) (this took a
very long time...)
y' R' U' R2 U R' // F2L-2 (5/17)
y2 D R U R' U' R U R' D' // F2L-3 (9/26)
U' y L' U L U2 L' U' L // F2L-4 (8/34)
L U F U' F' L' // EO (4/40)
y' L' U' L U' L' U2 L // ZBLL (7/47)
I purposely didn't cancel from EO into OLL by doing L U F U' F' U2 L' U' L U' L', which I very nearly did, because I saw that not only was it the 2-gen COLL, but also that I knew that particular case. So I think I can call that a ZBLL.
0.25 TPS, aw yeah.
Never thought I'd say this but feet is kinda fun. Still don't think it should be held at comps though.