Opinion on Essay

[ep2]

If you're going to mention Feliks and Max, you should probably mention me as well.

 

[PetrusQuber]

Oh, I thought it wasn't. Also it says cubs in one of the sections

Be helpful if you could tell me where
I think Grammarly's probably caught it.

 

[Spacey10]

Be helpful if you could tell me where
I think Grammarly's probably caught it.

In the hardware section

 

[shadowslice e]

You might be interested in the "what generation are you?" link in my sig

 

[Sion]

Quick tip: Don't include statements that relate to yourself. For example: "Cubing is my hobby" versus Cubing is a hobby where [Describe cubing here].

 

[brododragon]

Ok. =D

I don't really think that should be in there tbh, people can understand that your first paragraph is the introduction without you telling them =P

Also, maybe add a conclusion paragraph, your current last paragraph continues the idea of cubing in different time periods but isn't really a conclusion. It would be a good conclusion if the essay was comparing cubing back in the day to cubing now, but your essay mainly focuses on the back in the day.

Totally agree.

 

[ThisNameIsAlreadyTaken]

Maybe you should explain a bit more what PLL and OLL are. I mean, I certainly didn’t know what ‘orienting’ and ‘permuting’ meant, when I was starting cubing. And if you want to include that, you should also explain the ‘cross’ in CFOP... I would probably make it more vague, so that the reader could still try to solve the cube without any help

 

[PetrusQuber]

In the hardware section

Got that, I think. On iPad right now, can’t access computer.

You might be interested in the "what generation are you?" link in my sig

Thanks!

Quick tip: Don't include statements that relate to yourself. For example: "Cubing is my hobby" versus Cubing is a hobby where [Describe cubing here].

Hmm, OK.

Totally agree.

Like I said, that isn’t the end

Maybe you should explain a bit more what PLL and OLL are. I mean, I certainly didn’t know what ‘orienting’ and ‘permuting’ meant, when I was starting cubing. And if you want to include that, you should also explain the ‘cross’ in CFOP... I would probably make it more vague, so that the reader could still try to solve the cube without any help

I might add a terminology section to reference to soon.

 

[brododragon]

Like I said, that isn’t the end

I was talking about how you said "well this is the intro".

 

[Deleted member 51471]

That's cheating! this is a school assignment.

It's not. I once had my 20 yr old sister look over my essay and correct a ton and I didn't consider that cheating.

 

[kubesolver]

Great read! Fantastic work!

"He bought his puzzles to a Japanese toymaker, "

He brought?

 

[PetrusQuber]

Great read! Fantastic work!

"He bought his puzzles to a Japanese toymaker, "

He brought?

Thanks!

 

[kubesolver]

I really love this essay. I think you have done great research and the structure of a document is good.

I will nitpick on the style. It feels a bit weird that you change your style suddenly and often.

Sometimes it feels like encyclopedia, sometimes like a teenager magazine and sometimes like mate speak.
E.g. i felt really weird when i got to
"You see, modern speed cubes are designed to be turned easily, fast, and controllably"
I think if you remove "you see" you don't lose any meaning and the flow of the read is better.

 

[PetrusQuber]

I really love this essay. I think you have done great research and the structure of a document is good.

I will nitpick on the style. It feels a bit weird that you change your style suddenly and often.

Sometimes it feels like encyclopedia, sometimes like a teenager magazine and sometimes like mate speak.
E.g. i felt really weird when i got to
"You see, modern speed cubes are designed to be turned easily, fast, and controllably"
I think if you remove "you see" you don't lose any meaning and the flow of the read is better.

Thanks, any elaborations on how to fix this?
Edit: Also, what style should I be going for?

 

[kubesolver]

I really enter the territory where I don't feel comfortable giving advice so take that with a grain of salt. I'm neither good in writing nor is english my native language.

The fix would be along the lines of the @Sion suggestion. "Don't include statements that relate to yourself". I would also add "don't include statements that refer to the reader directly".

Try to keep it consistent who is the narrator (basically I think it's better if you keep an author transparent and follow Sion's hint)
Try to keep it consistent who is the target (stating facts to the void vs addressing the reading "You" directly).

I'd recommend you to read "100 Ways to Improve Your Writing" by Gary Provost to get good ideas about what is and what is not a good writing. It's good, short and very entertaining.

 

[PetrusQuber]

Cubing

Cubing Cubing is short for ‘solving the Rubik’s Cube’. The standard Rubik’s Cube is a 3x3x3 arrangement of blocks, with colours on them. The solved state is when all the pieces/colours are in their correct place - matching them up with everything else. Solving the cube without help is extremely d...

docs.google.com

Updated version, won't be updating in real time though, since it's a school account I'm writing on, which doesn't allow random strangers. So I have to copy and paste across.

 

[ThisNameIsAlreadyTaken]

So, I haven't read it all, though there are some things I would do differently (as everyone would with anything), but it's only my opinion, so take it just as feedback.

At some point in the "Hardware" section you change from using the term "cuber" to "you", which might take you some points. I would use "cuber", as "you" would sound a little more like a tutorial, which it clearly isn't.
Talking about tutorials, should the explanations in "Speedsolving methods" be so detailed? Because it feels a little out of place with the whole history and community sections. And all the algset acronyms... Many are only present in the "Terminology" section. You would probably don't want to include them all, also because the list is really long (more than three pages!). It's not that they aren't important, but in your essay, I don't think there isn't really a point in having them written.

Just in case you've missed it: in the "Speedsolving methods" section you say "... but we’ll just cover the Big 4, and maybe the beginner methods"; that "maybe" shouldn't probably be there.

 

[PetrusQuber]

Thanks!

So, I haven't read it all, though there are some things I would do differently (as everyone would with anything), but it's only my opinion, so take it just as feedback.

At some point in the "Hardware" section you change from using the term "cuber" to "you", which might take you some points. I would use "cuber", as "you" would sound a little more like a tutorial, which it clearly isn't.
Talking about tutorials, should the explanations in "Speedsolving methods" be so detailed? Because it feels a little out of place with the whole history and community sections. And all the algset acronyms... Many are only present in the "Terminology" section. You would probably don't want to include them all, also because the list is really long (more than three pages!). It's not that they aren't important, but in your essay, I don't think there isn't really a point in having them written.

Just in case you've missed it: in the "Speedsolving methods" section you say "... but we’ll just cover the Big 4, and maybe the beginner methods"; that "maybe" shouldn't probably be there.

1. Yeah, I’m trying to make the essay refer to ‘you’ less, but there are some cases where I’m not sure what to do. Will look again sometime
2. Yes, I’m probably going to rewrite that, it’s not a tutorial
3. I know, it was taken from Cubeskills, though I have added some stuff. I may shorten that down for unnecessary stuff. I didn’t feel like writing a terminology section, but I might do just that once I’m finished.
4. Thanks, I often write in my mind at the time, so that reflected my thinking of whether I should include them or not. Will change.

Also, this essay is constantly changing . The finished version will be very different to what it is right now.

 

[brododragon]

Thanks!

1. Yeah, I’m trying to make the essay refer to ‘you’ less, but there are some cases where I’m not sure what to do. Will look again sometime
2. Yes, I’m probably going to rewrite that, it’s not a tutorial
3. I know, it was taken from Cubeskills, though I have added some stuff. I may shorten that down for unnecessary stuff. I didn’t feel like writing a terminology section, but I might do just that once I’m finished.
4. Thanks, I often write in my mind at the time, so that reflected my thinking of whether I should include them or not. Will change.

Also, this essay is constantly changing . The finished version will be very different to what it is right now.

Whenever your say something like "you do this" just say "the cuber would do this".

 

[PetrusQuber]

Whenever your say something like "you do this" just say "the cuber would do this".

Sometimes it does sound a bit weird, but I think I've got it
Working on it right now, actually, I'll update when I can.