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The Carrot is hiring new staff writers

cmhardw

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#26
Washington Post

"Guy's cousin" wins 2011 Rubik's Cube World Championship in huge upset victory
October 16, 2011

(Bangkok) - This past weekend the most talented Rubik's cube solvers across the globe gathered together for the 2011 World Rubik's Cube Championship. This is the 6th World Championship since the puzzle was first released in the 1980's in the US. Over 400 competitors converged on the Baiyoke Sky Hotel in Bangkok, Thailand to attend the prestigious tournament. Over 39 different countries were represented, making this "...one of the largest and most successful international competitions in history" according to World Cube Association (WCA) board member Ron van Bruchem. Competition was tough, and spread across 19 different official events ranging from solving a Rubik's cube as quickly as possible, to solving one-handed, blindfolded, and only using their feet! The most prestigious title is to be declared the World Champion in the main event - solving a Rubik's cube in the shortest time out of all the competitors.

The winner of the main event this year, with a new world record average of 2.32 seconds, is a relatively unknown cuber, known by most competitors as "some guy's cousin", and those close to him refer to him as "this guy I know". The 2009 World Champion Breandan Vallance, who lost his World Champion title to the newcomer, had this to say about the surprise upset victory:

"Nobody really knows where he came from. One of the spectators said that his cousin could solve the cube in 'like 2 seconds every time, no joke!'. He ran home to tell his cousin, who signed up for the competition. I'm still in shock really. I don't know what to think right now."

WCA board member Tyson Mao had this to say about the newcomer: "This was a huge surprise! Our new World Champion really is the cousin of one of the spectators. His name is Jatukamramthep Wattanapanit, and he's sort of a rags to riches story actually. His cousin came into the Baiyoke Sky Hotel Venue after seeing posters around town about the World Competition. His cousin ran home to get Jatukamramthep, and bring him to the competition as a day-of sign up. Until now, Jatukamramthep was not known in the community, and now he's famous!"

When asked who might win the championships, many competitors mentioned the name of Australian competitor Feliks Zemdegs. Zemdegs, the previous world Record holder and likely winner of the competition, came in 2nd place to Wattanapanit and had this to say:

"Yeah it was a huge surprise to everyone. I mean, this guy shows up and yells 'Hey Rubik's cubes! My cousin can solve one with one hand and without looking'. He then runs home and brings his cousin, and his cousin really is that good. I'm just in shock really. Normally when people say their cousin is fast, they're just making it up or outright lying or something. I don't think anyone really knows what to think."

Incidentally, Wattanapanit did also win the World Champion title for both the Rubik's cube one-handed event, and the Rubik's cube blindfolded event. Both victories were made even more of an upset because he competed both one handed and blindfolded in both events, which was not a requirement by the WCA.

After the award ceremony Wattanapanit could be seen signing autographs for both novice and expert cubers alike. When asked how it feels to be the new Rubik's cube World Champion Wattanapanit had this to say:

"It's pretty cool I guess. My family is always trying to show me off, and they tell me about all the times that they see someone solving a Rubik's cube and they tell them about me. I don't know why everyone is so much slower than I am, I figured everybody could solve a Rubik's cube in 2 seconds one-handed behind their back and blindfolded. I mean, I don't want to be mean to these other cubers, they're really nice and some of them are ok I guess. Feliks is sort of fast, and I think if he keeps at it he'll be just as fast as me. I don't really want to say I'm better, but I'm pretty good at cubing, yeah. It's nice to know that I'm World Champion. Maybe now people will finally believe my family members when they tell other cubers about me."

Wattanapanit has no plans to continue practicing for the 2013 World competition. After his victory he's going to move on to playing competitive Starcraft II. He sure left a mark on the Rubik's cube community, though. The top competitors now have their work cut out for them to improve to Wattanapanit's new world class level of Rubik's cube solving. At least they don't solve it like I did when I was young. I just peeled the stickers off.

Hardwick (2011)
Staff Writer - The Washington Post
 
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TheMachanga
#29
"Nobody really knows where he came from. One of the spectators said that his cousin could solve the cube in 'like 2 seconds every time, no joke!'. He ran home to tell his cousin, who signed up for the competition. I'm still in shock really. I don't know what to think right now."

I was like :) reading it, but then when I got to that, I was like :D!!!

The ending was great also.

At least they don't solve it like I did when I was young. I just peeled the stickers off.

I like it because real Onion articles always end with something of that nature.


GREAT JOB CHRIS. That was awesome. <3
 

Bryan

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#34
Cubers agree: Feet solving is gross

It's been known by 99% of the cubing population for years. But there has always been holdouts, like that 1 out of 6 dentist that isn't recommending Trident. But now it's finally come to a unanimous agreement. Cubers agree that feet-solving is gross. We've talked to the remaining hold-outs, who have asked to remain anonymous.

"Well, yeah, it's gross. I don't see how people could argue against that. I mean, I guess I did just to be a Devil's Advocate, but I found out some others agreed with me. I was too afraid to admit I was just trying to troll the WCA, but I guess it kind of grew into that."

Another former supporter noted:

"Yeah, I thought it should stay a while. I mean, I figured it was one of the events that people still had a chance to get a record at since it was so unpopular. So I argued for it and then started practicing. However, once I started practicing, it became obvious it was gross. My mom saw me practicing and then didn't want me to have cubes on the dinner table anymore because she didn't want feet stank there. I can't blame her. My cube stunk. I ended up throwing it away."

When WCA Board Member Ron van Bruchem was asked about the future of feet solving, he replied, "Well, we do have some members of the community who want feet-sovling so we must....really? All of them? Well.....hmmm.....I suppose we could consider it." Board member Tyson Mao was then asked about his opinion and responded, "Good. Those people finally wised up. Feet solving is an embarrassment to the cubing community and I hope the regulations can be re-written mid-year to finally kill this event. If people want to hold it as an unofficial event, they're morons." No word yet on when the new regulations will be released.
 
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#37
Friendly bystander admits having never been interested in Cube
22/08/2011 - World News

Members of the commuting public were horrified this morning as a seemingly innocent bystander spoke the unthinkable. Witnesses say the man was sitting across from a young student who was solving a Rubik's Cube. Upon noticing that the cube had been solved, the quite obviously disturbed man simply chuckled to the student that he "never really got into it when [he] was a kid." He then had the nerve to congratulate the student, and proceeded to continue to read his newspaper without another word.

"It was disturbing," said Matthew, aged 32, who watched in shock as the events unfolded, "He didn't even mention how he used to be able to solve one side, maybe two if he tried hard enough."

"He obviously had some problems as a child," said Natalie, aged 19, who is actually related to the Rubik's Cube record holder Mr Wattanapanit, "A man his age should at least have one or two stories about cleverly peeling the stickers off their Rubik's Cube as a young whipper snapper. You could see it in his eyes, he shouldn't be on the streets."

The victim escaped unharmed, he was able to laugh off the confrontation.

"I just wasn't expecting it, honestly." Said the anonymous victim. "I have never been in that situation before in my life. When I started learning how to solve the Rubik's cube, I would never have thought that this would be happening to me. I'm just lucky to have made it out of there."

Luckily, a stocky good samaritan boarded the train on the way to work just in time to witness the outburst. Bert, 49 year old construction worker, calmed the situation with a joke.

"I don't remember really, something came over me and it just came out. It was something about a hammer, or maybe it was a window? I'm not sure, but it was how I used to solve them when I was a kid. Haha, funny right?" Said Bert

"Hero? I wouldn't say that. Dealing with these kind of people is just about confidence. If you say something with enough conviction, they'll believe you. Or at least they'll be nice enough to pretend to believe you, even if they suspect that you have no idea what they're talking about."
 

JonnyWhoopes

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JonnyWhoopes
#38
Friendly bystander admits having never been interested in Cube
22/08/2011 - World News

Members of the commuting public were horrified this morning as a seemingly innocent bystander spoke the unthinkable. Witnesses say the man was sitting across from a young student who was solving a Rubik's Cube. Upon noticing that the cube had been solved, the quite obviously disturbed man simply chuckled to the student that he "never really got into it when [he] was a kid." He then had the nerve to congratulate the student, and proceeded to continue to read his newspaper without another word.

"It was disturbing," said Matthew, aged 32, who watched in shock as the events unfolded, "He didn't even mention how he used to be able to solve one side, maybe two if he tried hard enough."

"He obviously had some problems as a child," said Natalie, aged 19, who is actually related to the Rubik's Cube record holder Mr Wattanapanit, "A man his age should at least have one or two stories about cleverly peeling the stickers off their Rubik's Cube as a young whipper snapper. You could see it in his eyes, he shouldn't be on the streets."

The victim escaped unharmed, he was able to laugh off the confrontation.

"I just wasn't expecting it, honestly." Said the anonymous victim. "I have never been in that situation before in my life. When I started learning how to solve the Rubik's cube, I would never have thought that this would be happening to me. I'm just lucky to have made it out of there."

Luckily, a stocky good samaritan boarded the train on the way to work just in time to witness the outburst. Bert, 49 year old construction worker, calmed the situation with a joke.

"I don't remember really, something came over me and it just came out. It was something about a hammer, or maybe it was a window? I'm not sure, but it was how I used to solve them when I was a kid. Haha, funny right?" Said Bert

"Hero? I wouldn't say that. Dealing with these kind of people is just about confidence. If you say something with enough conviction, they'll believe you. Or at least they'll be nice enough to pretend to believe you, even if they suspect that you have no idea what they're talking about."

That was a beautiful first post.
 
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