Opinion on Essay

I just read it, great work :)
One thing I noticed was that you have a lot of short sentences scattered about, mostly in the first section. When there's so many of these close together, it makes the essay feel a bit clunky and hurts the flow. If this is something you think your teacher might take notice to, it might be something worth looking at.
 
I just read it, great work :)
One thing I noticed was that you have a lot of short sentences scattered about, mostly in the first section. When there's so many of these close together, it makes the essay feel a bit clunky and hurts the flow. If this is something you think your teacher might take notice to, it might be something worth looking at.
Thank you, it's not English or anything, but I am trying to perfect it, not just for the marks/points.
 
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