ProStar
Legend
Dear Esteemed Duck Advocate,I still remember the glorious old days of the duck revolution. Ah, the old days when life was carefree and joyful. One day, I suddenly woke up to find myself turned into a duck! I was so short... when I went to school, my classmates bullied me for my height. But alas! I didn't give in to depression and maintained an optimistic outlook on life. Strange things started happening a few days later. Everybody I came in contact with had turned into a duck within two days! Armed with this knowledge, I turned everyone else into ducks! Now, there would be no one to bully me, and I would live happily ever after... sunbathing in a pool with mangoes floating all around me... never having to worry about dinner... never having the worry about the quality of tape I use... never having to worry about the amount of bottle caps I can swallow by the time a person can run the 100 meter race!
My friends, life is not such a simple thing. I was soon hunted down by many humans trying to kill me and eat me! So, I started the hobby of cubing. Why cubing, you may ask? Cubing seems to hypnotize humans. Whenever they see me solve a cube, they exclaim, "WoW, yOu MuSt Be GoOd At MaTh!" They are so amazed that they drop stunned on the floor as if someone has used Petrificus Totalus on them and I have time run away! Whenever we meet troubles, we should remember that brains beats brawn, and we can beat them in a battle of wits! Of course, I have many more stories to tell, but a duck's life is far to short for such useless matters!
However, I will allow one more story to entertain you readers. There once was a man who sat on a can. The can was named Dan and it ran. It ran into a man and he sat on a can. The can was named Dan and it ran. It ran into a man and he sat on a can. The can was named Dan and it ran. It ran into a man and he sat on a can... oops, I may be off task, so I will continue my rant on society.
Silence can keep one safe, but it leads to the death of a society. As I have seen more and more people become hateful and discriminatory towards ducks, I have kept silent. Kept silent as insults were thrown at my kind. Kept silent as my fellow ducks were roasted over a pit. I have kept silent for far too long, and now we see a society that is dying. Not in the literal kind, but that the morality of mankind is deteriorating to a point of no return. BUT I WILL NOT KEEP SILENT NOW. I WILL NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE AND SEE MY PEOPLE FALL AROUND ME! IF THIS IS MY LAST STAND, THEN SO BE IT! ALL FOR THE GLORY OF DUCKISM!
And so, that leads us to the present day. A cult has been started. A cult to tyrannize the ducks and oppress them with an iron first! No, no, no! We CANNOT let this happen! Innocent ducks are being turned into Rubik's cubes! Are we simply going to be a toy controlled by man, with no brain or function of our own? No! A thousand times no! We must keep our consciousness, our minds, our souls... and ProStar wants to take that privilege away from us! It saddens me to see so many people fall to this evil cult... we must resist temptation and not fall short of our goal to convert ALL humans into ducks! Fellow ducks, rise up! Do not let this happen! Do you want to see a day where all your offspring are brainwashed into succumbing to the tyranny of man? A society where humans rule over us and kill our kind for food? Alas, problems that have plagued society in history also plague society today. Back then, ducks were brainwashed into thinking humans were their friends. But we have overcome that veil and seen the true nature of mankind! The true nature of mankind is to put pineapples on pizza! AND NO ONE SHOULD EVER PUT PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA!
If we are turned into Rubik's cubes, what may happen, fellow ducks? The end of our society as we know it! Rubik's cubes are a tool for our benefit to hypnotize mankind, but we cannot and will not become a tool FOR humans! Think of the cruelties humans do to their cubes! They smash them when they're angry, drop them on the floor, slam them on the table, and take them apart! Mysterious liquids are shoved down their throats, all in the namesake of making them "turn better!" However, we know better than that! It is simply a way to inject nanomachines into their systems so that they will succumb to human bidding! Imagine this, my friends... imagine if 1+1 = 2. Then what would 2+2 be? If you said it was 4, you are a fool. How gullible are you to believe everything humans tell you? They WANT you to believe it is 4, but the real answer is not so simple. 2+2 = 22! If you can be so easily tricked by humans, you must change your ways! You must learn to think about things instead of blindly accepting things as true!
One final remark: ProStar's long messages may convince earthlings who are so easily brainwashed. His high reaction score may deceive the unworthy, but it WILL NOT convince us, the ducks! Join our crusade to free ourselves from oppression! Join us to create a better future for generations to come! And join us because tacos are delicious! You issue a Declaration of United Profile Pictures? Well I declare a Declaration of Independence Against All Humans And Their Thousand Year Tyrannical Reign Over All Ducks On Earth!
One may argue that ProStar isn't even a human, but a Rubik's cube. Alas, that is what the humans want you to think! He is simply a person dressed up in a costume, a costume that conceals his true intentions! Even if this is not so and he is truly a Rubik's cube, then humans are moving the puppet-strings, controlling his every move! They have threatened him with pineapples on pizza if he doesn't comply to their every demand! If this is so, we must feel sympathy for the sad state that he is in. However, our sympathy should not extend to the point where we breathe his every word as I breathe mangoes! LONG LIVE DUCK KINGDOM! @1x1 wr holder!, join my cause! You, most valiant soldier, will be rewarded with a bag of duck feed every week for the rest of your life! However, the naïve critics will claim the preposterous idea of bribery. Those who are not such simple-minded fools would know that I aim for coercion, NOT bribery!
If you have had the patience to read all that, I reward you a free. If you think it tastes good, you can support our revolution by buying Duck-licious Cookies at your local supermarket! If not, I will hunt you down at night. But no pressure
Your passion and creativity shine through, and I must say, it's a refreshing change to hear such a spirited defense of “Duckism”.
Your perspective on the legacy of ducks and the challenges they face is both imaginative and intriguing. My intention with the unified profile picture was simple: to foster a sense of camaraderie within our Speedsolving community. At no point did I ever envision it as a challenge to the proud lineage and significance of ducks.
I assure you, there's no grand scheme to transform ducks into Rubik's cubes or to overshadow their incredible history. The unique blend of cubing and duck narrative you've presented is truly an unexpected twist, and it's given me much to ponder.
As for my personal identity, whether I'm perceived as human, a Rubik's cube, or even an advocate in disguise, my goal remains steadfast: to encourage unity and understanding within our community. And while we may not always see eye-to-eye (or beak-to-cube?), I hope we can at least appreciate our shared dedication to the causes close to our hearts.
Here's to coexisting visions and mutual respect, even in the midst of quack-tastic debates.
Quacking in Unity,
ProStar, and The Members of the Speedsolving Forum Revolution.
