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Having trouble relating to the cubing community

Johnny

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I can solve a Rubik's cube and therefore I am a cuber, but I can't really relate to most people who share that label with me. I am gay, so the way I think about the world definitely differs from most of you. It's not anyone's fault, but I just have trouble relating to this community due to my identity being different than the majority of cubers.

Is there any way to relate better to the cubing community? How would I do it?
 

rowan

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There are other gay and queer (LGBTQIA+) cubers!

I'm queer! I can think of... three gay cubers and two other bisexual cubers off the top of my head, and I'm sure there's many more.

There's an old thread in Off-Topic called "Sexuality" it's actually a great read, most of the people here have a pretty good understanding of this kinda stuff, might help you relate to cubers better if you read through it. Just search for it in the search bar, "sexuality" should bring it up.
 

goodatthis

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I found it hard to relate to other cubers as well at first, but as you get more and more involved in the community, you'll be able to relate. It's sort of like going to a new school or going to camp with people you don't know, but you'll get to know them eventually. I also think that cubing "relatable posts" are fun to look at, things like "When you are waiting for your cubes to arrive and you see the UPS truck" are always ways to relate. You'd be surprised how many things you do as a cuber that you originally thought that only you did!

Also, don't worry about sexuality here. I have not once heard any mention of bigotry of any sort here, nor have I heard any mention of sexuality, in a positive or negative way. Just remember that the only label you have here is "cuber" and maybe "nerd" (in a good way of course), if you are a nerd haha. Although sexual orientation may be a big part of your personal identification to you, we don't really identify people here in ways like that. Because if you're like 99.5% of the cubing community personality-wise (you probably are), then you are very similar to us. And even if you're a polar opposite from the personality of most cubers, you're still a cuber!

also, something more private, but I think it might help:
One of my best friends came out as gay several months ago (I was actually the first person he told) and he said that coming to terms with the fact that he was gay, and identifying himself as someone different than most was one of the most difficult parts of his life. I think it's important to realize that just because you're gay, it doesn't inherently define who you are.

I hope this helped, even though I can't share from my actual own personal experience. But I also hope that you understand that some straight people, myself included, can and do try to understand and don't identify people based solely on their sexual orientation.
 

Noahaha

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People on this forum have been great. I'm talking about my everyday life.

How many cubers do you encounter in your every day life?

Like others have said, it's great to go to a competition. Cubers are some of the most accepting people, and won't judge based on sexuality. Also, I find that that sort of thing usually doesn't even come up at competitions.
 

Zubon

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I can solve a Rubik's cube and therefore I am a cuber, but I can't really relate to most people who share that label with me. I am gay, so the way I think about the world definitely differs from most of you. It's not anyone's fault, but I just have trouble relating to this community due to my identity being different than the majority of cubers.

Is there any way to relate better to the cubing community? How would I do it?


Just like millions of other people around the world, you are a sexual minority. So pretty much any community you join, you will STILL be a sexual minority. You will just have to learn to deal with that.

I've been cubing for years and NEVER have I been asked about what things I like to do in the privacy of my bedroom. It's totally unrelated to cubing. I've never felt the urge to suddenly tell a fellow cuber what my sexuality is. Who cares!

When meeting another cuber, almost all members here love talking about cubing. It's something we all have in common. No one really cares about who you are sexually attracted to. If you like cubing you will always be welcome here.

If you have trouble relating to other people, maybe you should work on your social skills?
 

rowan

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Here's my perspective, I could be wrong from where OP is coming from though.

I don't think it's necessarily a requirement for someone to feel connected to cubing, but I think sometimes it's nice to have that commonality with another person. Sexuality, especially if you aren't straight, is often a point of solidarity for people. Just like how female cubers are often excited to meet other female cubers; something that may seem trivial (especially if you're in the majority group) can really shape someone's way of connecting with others. This is pretty common in cubing, people are excited to meet others from their area when they feel they are the only one, etc.

While saying that "oh sexual orientation doesn't come up," is really well meaning; people from different backgrounds sometimes have different perspectives, it's nice to have some common ground in that area occasionally. But this varies, some gay cubers might really care and for others it could be a non-issue.
 
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Laradoodle4

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I don't think that homophobia or sexuality in general would change the way you relate to other cubers? I have never met another queer female cuber, but that doesn't mean I have trouble relating to other cubers, or the cubing community as a whole. I don't think your sexuality is a problem here.
 

Kirjava

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because being gay changes the way some people treat me. In other words, homophobia has changed the way I think of the world.

I don't mean to offend, but it seems like you're saying you have a perspective that others cannot grasp. You can observe homophobia without being gay.

Your sexuality alone doesn't change how you think.
 

Divineskulls

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I guess by nobody you mean the 8 people that posted something in this thread. Don't know about you, but that looks like some degree of "caring" to me.
Although a little blunt, and maybe harsh, I think Stefan meant something along the lines of 'Nobody cares (on the forum) that you're gay, they will accept you', rather than 'Nobody cares about you.'

To OP:
The best advice to give in this situation is really to just 'do it.' Going to a competition and talking to people is hard, especially if you're shy; it took me about 3 competitions to actually make friends. But it's really up to you if cubing for you is a solitary or social hobby. :)
 
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